The last few days, I have finally came to realize that I have been strong in the event of my Stepson 's death and I, myself, haven't even mourned his death. I somehow was able to justify in my mind that I needed to be strong for his parents and for his brothers and sisters. That somehow that if I failed doing that then what of mother or wife could I actually be???
I have let the noise of the shower hide my tears or simply have said that I am emotionally drained because it must be that time of the month for me.. However, I still haven't seem to be openly crying in front of them for fear of having them break down from their own pain. Therefore, leaving my tears in the back of my eyes and keeping on my knees, looking upwards, towards the Heavens and asking, pleading with God to heal my heart.
I'm always looking and glancing about to see if I can get a glimpse of him... Something to remind me of how he was.. And then in a moment God let's me see that and threw the window of my dining room.. I snap a picture of his 2 brothers outside working together, chopping up wood, can see they are talking, and laughing... As they take a break from them chopping up wood, sitting on the ground to put together an old kite they had found in the attic. And moments like that reminds me of Keith... Working hard, carefree, and helping his siblings out. Picture was taken and tears had slipped out, that I noticed as I wiped my face.
The memory of Keith will always be etched in my very core and I will pray for his continued example of loving and having his family be the utmost importance to him to be carried out amongst his siblings... I will pray for his example of being giving and carefree spirit be our example in how we should live our daily lives.. Without letting an opportunity pass us by.. Even if for 10 seconds on a phone to say I love you.. And with those words, there are no doubts, because there are actions to prove just that... Love
*My Thoughts For Today*