My husband is the sweetest man that I know.. He is thoughtful, hard working, loving, and gentle.  I know that I might be the only one on the face of this earth that thinks of him this way, but he is mine.. All mine.  For the past 20 years he has worked off and on his dream of real estate.  From being licensed real estate agent, to now an Investor and leader. Over the past two years he has worked harder than I have ever seen him to make this successful. With many sacrifices on my part especially and I don't have any regrets supporting him and his dream.

     He had a son, named Keith that God called home earlier than any of us would of liked.  But, this time a year on the 29th would be two years. Keith, before he passed away that week, he was over at our home every night sitting beside his Daddy with the computers up discussing business and how to make money.  Keith told his daddy one day that week, daddy you are the only one that believes in me and that I can make a lot  of money.

     In a strange way, Keith was the only one, excluding myself,  that also believed in his daddy and together they were going to become millionaires and they had a plan.  (Of Course, who does not ever plan how to be a millionaire, but watching them do it together always brought a smile to my face).

     I have seen since my husband work endlessly, whole heartedly, late into the nights,  with few hours of sleep, studying, talking, going to meetings, teaching, bought  our home, giving..  Taking care of me while I am sick..  Going to appointments, saying I love you more often...  Needing a hug and reassurance as anyone would..  That someone still believes in him.

     I see the pain and longing in his eyes for his partner to make a million dollars..  The pain and stillness that wants to reach out to hug his oldest son.. And now as I see the worrisome in his eyes now about his mother..  Of her not well..  And he might lose her soon..  Now beginning to take a toll on his face.. And it is as if he has aged a million years in his eyes..  And the silent tears that beg to be released..  Still are being fought back with his head held up high and still taking care of his sick wife and striving forward to fulfill his and his son's dream...  Financial independent.

     No matter what he is doing or talking to,  if I stumble he reaches out to make sure I am alright and ask me if I need anything. He gets out with Gabriel, our 16 year old son, to chop wood for the heater.  He helps our 14 year old carry cement blocks to the designated area that I wanted it to in.  He knows I tire easy..  So he gets up at 6:20 to get the boys up for school and drives over a hour to drop one off and come home again.

      My husband, covers me if he sees I am cold..  Warms the hot water bottle to help my pain..  He fills my bath when  I don't have the energy and hugs me to let me know it will be alright. He has cooked in our new home more than I have.  And while I take a nap..  He does the dishes... He helps me with the laundry and takes out the trash.

     When I am down from everything..  He makes me laugh and lets me know that I am not alone.  He squeezes my hand to let me know to keep fighting that I am needed.  When I feel attacked by our children and as if they don't care if I live or die..  He turns it back on him and takes the brunt of their words and actions. He dries my tears and holds me when I sob..  He kisses me lightly on the forehead and Whispers on my ear that I am beautiful (even when I am vomiting).

    So you see...  I might not to others have a perfect husband.. Yet he is mine..  Perfect in every way..  I might not have my mansion or a bran new car.  I might not own diamonds or pearls.  I might not get to go on dates with him as often as we would like..  But holding hands walking our land and dreaming of what we would like to do..  Is better than any cruise ship any day..        I do have the perfect man for me..  He treats me as royalty.. And I am his queen.. And even with the pain of the anniversary of his sons death and his mom not well..  He continues to fret about me and my well being as I push him to go and see his mother and we would be fine...

     He is my rock.  I don't have to worry about bills..  And never even know the finances except the basics..  He helps me keep my stress level down hoping to keep me healthy.. And his goal is to get me off all medication to all natural when finances allows him to do that. He has told me this numerous times that this needs to happen before I get sicker.  Gosh.. In the mist of everything..  He still worries about me.

     Most definitely without a doubt I would be lost without him..  I am blessed..  Truly blessed to have him by side... Yes, he is my perfect man..  My soulmate.. And I love him with all that I am...

*My Thoughts For Today *

     Silence I found at times can be Sweet,  as well as deafening..  It is times like these, at 2:10 am that I can find myself reflecting or trying to find something quiet to do without waking up the household.     

     The last few days, I have finally came to realize that I have been strong in the event of my Stepson 's death and I, myself, haven't even mourned his death. I somehow was able to justify in my mind that I needed to be strong for his parents and for his brothers and sisters. That somehow that if I failed doing that then what of mother or wife could I actually be???

     I have let the noise of the shower hide my tears or simply have said that I am emotionally drained because it must be that time of the month for me.. However, I still haven't seem to be openly crying in front of them for fear of having them break down from their own pain. Therefore,  leaving my tears in the back of my eyes and keeping on my knees, looking upwards, towards the Heavens and asking,  pleading with God to heal my heart.

      I'm always looking and glancing about to see if I can get a glimpse of him...  Something to remind me of how he was..  And then in a moment God let's me see that and threw the window of my dining room..  I snap a picture of his 2 brothers outside working together, chopping up wood,  can see they are talking, and laughing...  As they take a break from them chopping up wood,  sitting on the ground to put together an old kite they had found in the attic. And moments like that reminds me of Keith...  Working hard, carefree, and helping his siblings out.  Picture was taken and tears had slipped out, that I noticed as I wiped my face.

     The memory of Keith will always be etched in my very core and I will pray for his continued example of loving and having his family be the utmost importance to him to be carried out amongst his siblings...  I will pray for his example of being giving and carefree spirit be our example in how we should live our daily lives..  Without letting an opportunity pass us by..  Even if for 10 seconds on a phone to say I love you..  And with those words, there are no doubts, because there are actions to prove just that...  Love

*My Thoughts For Today*