3:16 pm
I had To Remove the Cross...
My Dear Keifer,
The Ampitheater is finally going into full motion it seems.. I had to remove your cross and flowers the other day from guard rail. The gentleman (Head Operator of Construction) was very polite about the whole situation. And was very sensitive to the situation of the memorial that we put up there...
I have different feelings about the whole situation of the cross being taken down right now.. almost like it has to be a finality of something.. Or maybe it is just the way that I seem to be good at putting off my feelings into something or someone.. Maybe I thought in some way that Cross would bring your back or maybe just knowing that when I went by, that you were right there.. (How silly if you think about it since in reality, that is just where you...)
Well...
It is such a strange thought in some way that it will be 2 years that you were taken from everyone.. But in those 2 years it seems as though the world should of stopped in some way, but instead have moved forward.. Your siblings getting jobs, saving money, moving out, having a significant other and yes, unfortunately drifted apart and even I suppose feeling as one sibling hates the other...
How it would bring tears into your eyes to know how much they fight with one another, passing judgement on each other lives in how they think they should live or act, and yes even breaking all contact from one another.. A shame even as a mother to watch helplessly as they can not even know if one passed away in night (as you did).. what would their last words be to one another.. and in their last words to one another, would it be I hate you.. or would it be.. I never knew if they loved me or not...
Please Keifer as you were so sweet, an example would you be so sweet and loving and just ask God for a simple touch on your family that you love so much... to make sure sis and bro knew that you loved them even if it was for a 30 second phone call.. that Sis and Bro would carry on your traditional of making sure family is family first.. Not much Keifer for sure.. Not the way I have ever imagined it would be.. Or they way you talked about all you sis and bro going to be close growing old together...
Gosh, Keifer I love you so very much and my heart is heavy because it is more than realistic to know that in just a moment someone can be gone.. And I know in just a moment even God could call me home.. But my heart only lies heavy in the atmosphere of how dysfunctional my family is.. as I watch each one.. walk away and not even glance back at what they are leaving behind and without a thought that maybe next time will be hearing one is gone.. My heart is heavy Keith as I miss you saying I love you.. even for a brief second.. For a brief moment.. and you sitting at the table with Daddy with the computers open talking business, dreams and the future... *Sigh*
I had To Remove the Cross...
My Dear Keifer,
The Ampitheater is finally going into full motion it seems.. I had to remove your cross and flowers the other day from guard rail. The gentleman (Head Operator of Construction) was very polite about the whole situation. And was very sensitive to the situation of the memorial that we put up there...
I have different feelings about the whole situation of the cross being taken down right now.. almost like it has to be a finality of something.. Or maybe it is just the way that I seem to be good at putting off my feelings into something or someone.. Maybe I thought in some way that Cross would bring your back or maybe just knowing that when I went by, that you were right there.. (How silly if you think about it since in reality, that is just where you...)
Well...
It is such a strange thought in some way that it will be 2 years that you were taken from everyone.. But in those 2 years it seems as though the world should of stopped in some way, but instead have moved forward.. Your siblings getting jobs, saving money, moving out, having a significant other and yes, unfortunately drifted apart and even I suppose feeling as one sibling hates the other...
How it would bring tears into your eyes to know how much they fight with one another, passing judgement on each other lives in how they think they should live or act, and yes even breaking all contact from one another.. A shame even as a mother to watch helplessly as they can not even know if one passed away in night (as you did).. what would their last words be to one another.. and in their last words to one another, would it be I hate you.. or would it be.. I never knew if they loved me or not...
Please Keifer as you were so sweet, an example would you be so sweet and loving and just ask God for a simple touch on your family that you love so much... to make sure sis and bro knew that you loved them even if it was for a 30 second phone call.. that Sis and Bro would carry on your traditional of making sure family is family first.. Not much Keifer for sure.. Not the way I have ever imagined it would be.. Or they way you talked about all you sis and bro going to be close growing old together...
Gosh, Keifer I love you so very much and my heart is heavy because it is more than realistic to know that in just a moment someone can be gone.. And I know in just a moment even God could call me home.. But my heart only lies heavy in the atmosphere of how dysfunctional my family is.. as I watch each one.. walk away and not even glance back at what they are leaving behind and without a thought that maybe next time will be hearing one is gone.. My heart is heavy Keith as I miss you saying I love you.. even for a brief second.. For a brief moment.. and you sitting at the table with Daddy with the computers open talking business, dreams and the future... *Sigh*