He had a son, named Keith that God called home earlier than any of us would of liked. But, this time a year on the 29th would be two years. Keith, before he passed away that week, he was over at our home every night sitting beside his Daddy with the computers up discussing business and how to make money. Keith told his daddy one day that week, daddy you are the only one that believes in me and that I can make a lot of money.
In a strange way, Keith was the only one, excluding myself, that also believed in his daddy and together they were going to become millionaires and they had a plan. (Of Course, who does not ever plan how to be a millionaire, but watching them do it together always brought a smile to my face).
I have seen since my husband work endlessly, whole heartedly, late into the nights, with few hours of sleep, studying, talking, going to meetings, teaching, bought our home, giving.. Taking care of me while I am sick.. Going to appointments, saying I love you more often... Needing a hug and reassurance as anyone would.. That someone still believes in him.
I see the pain and longing in his eyes for his partner to make a million dollars.. The pain and stillness that wants to reach out to hug his oldest son.. And now as I see the worrisome in his eyes now about his mother.. Of her not well.. And he might lose her soon.. Now beginning to take a toll on his face.. And it is as if he has aged a million years in his eyes.. And the silent tears that beg to be released.. Still are being fought back with his head held up high and still taking care of his sick wife and striving forward to fulfill his and his son's dream... Financial independent.
No matter what he is doing or talking to, if I stumble he reaches out to make sure I am alright and ask me if I need anything. He gets out with Gabriel, our 16 year old son, to chop wood for the heater. He helps our 14 year old carry cement blocks to the designated area that I wanted it to in. He knows I tire easy.. So he gets up at 6:20 to get the boys up for school and drives over a hour to drop one off and come home again.
When I am down from everything.. He makes me laugh and lets me know that I am not alone. He squeezes my hand to let me know to keep fighting that I am needed. When I feel attacked by our children and as if they don't care if I live or die.. He turns it back on him and takes the brunt of their words and actions. He dries my tears and holds me when I sob.. He kisses me lightly on the forehead and Whispers on my ear that I am beautiful (even when I am vomiting).
He is my rock. I don't have to worry about bills.. And never even know the finances except the basics.. He helps me keep my stress level down hoping to keep me healthy.. And his goal is to get me off all medication to all natural when finances allows him to do that. He has told me this numerous times that this needs to happen before I get sicker. Gosh.. In the mist of everything.. He still worries about me.
Most definitely without a doubt I would be lost without him.. I am blessed.. Truly blessed to have him by side... Yes, he is my perfect man.. My soulmate.. And I love him with all that I am...
*My Thoughts For Today *