It started today with a lunch date with Vince and I greatest friends on earth, Bobby and Julie. And ended up with a visit to the jail with my daughter, Katarina. (I am going to write about that later, but tonight going to write on the emotion not facts of what happened at the jail).. That I wrote down on paper, but will share later.. feel right now the emotion is more important.
As a parent, I don't know how many of you out here that are parents, but as a parent for me.. the worst part is not knowing.. If a child disowns you, you know. If a child dies, you know it. If a child disappears, or something happens to them.. It is the not knowing that is so very difficult to come to terms with.
A week ago today, Vince and I were celebrating our 25th anniversary. And by Wednesday the 15th, we heard that our daughter was arrested. A few days later still did not know anything, except seeing it in the paper, and finally 6 days later.. even though not in person, I was able to set eyes on my daughter.
Yes, I cried.. Katarina's 1st words threw the receiver of the phone and seeing her face in the monitor was, "Happy Birthday." I touched the screen and cried. I replied.. "YES, YES INDEED NOW IT IS!"
As a parent.. Even though I knew that she was somewhere.. Even though she had spoken to the Social Worker.. all I knew is that I needed to see her. I needed to hear her voice.. I needed to see her with my own eyes. How many have you related to that?
Dangerous.. and I am warning all people NEVER, EVER do this! Yet, for me Wild life with nature is a passion that I have. I have taken the time to let wild life at different stages of my life become familiar with me. Then I approach them if I feel safe to do so.. Yet, many times like this was a gamble. I did not listen to my inner self screaming how insane this was... Just felt I could.
But, NEVER once did I NOT weigh out the CONSEQUENCES that could HAPPEN.
I WOULD NEVER, EVER recommend you to do what I have done and post about what newspaper has said and then write down the truth. The rules of the land, is that newspapers, police officers, judges, politicians, etc.. they carry weight of taking away your life.. making you guilty, even if they make sure it goes their way.. they carry the water to make sure mud is not on their face.. but will be on yours.
They have the ability to make your life miserable. They have the ability to poison people's mind before someone sits in front of a jury. They have the ability to lock you up, throw away the key, and make sure you never ever see the light of day again.
And even though the smart part of my brain told me not to be posting about what the newspaper said to what is truth.. I went on the other nuttier part of me.. and said, I will go with a fight.. and I would take the DANGER on even though.. the law clearly, quietly.. unheard but screaming says!!!! DANGEROUS!!!! WARNING!!!
I am a citizen of the United States and I have a right to be heard. As the public.. I deserve the truth on all things. Don't you?