It does not mean that one has to like the taste of wine or even the smell. Yet, even the smallest of children like to hold one of those beautiful, shining, big wine glasses in their tiny hands.
Each and every moment, every second, life is washing, drying, buffing us so we will shine to the world that is around us. However, even though it looks so very clean to drink out, to gently put your nose to and smell, letting the smooth glass touching your lips, and as the cool, wine touches your touches, it erupts with either flavor that you happen to love or erupts with liquid that you can’t stand.
The wine glass holds either cheap or expensive drink. However, that beautiful, shiny, glass is as delicate as a feather blowing lightly threw the sky. Life is like that. The outside I can be shiny, clean, buffed, and ready to be used. But, inside it is like a volcano that is just ready to explode with lava. Yet, the majority of time most people would not even suspect that there is anything wrong at all.
I struggle sometimes with sadness. Great sadness that sometimes over comes me and I feel like I just want life to stop or to cut once more (Yet, haven’t done that in years). I did try to take my life several times, but have not done that in since I had my breakdown at the death of my daughter in 1991.
I find that I am molded by the outside influences. You forget who you are most of the time when you are a full time employee, (Even when you are not there, you still are on call), I forget who I am being called Mama or Grandma. I find myself looking around lately wondering if it beginning to chip down this wine glass of mine and what I would have to do to fix it.
Yes, I know that I am rambling.. Just some real stuff for me. If you understand it then maybe it was for you to read. I struggle wanting to be perfect for the world, even if that means sacrificing myself, even sacrificing myself sometimes to even play with the grim reaper as I continue to push and push myself, I struggle to try to keep focus, I struggle to feel rested in the morning and tired all the time.
This is my struggle.. This is my struggle today.