One Of My Children Has Now Had Surgery!!!
On October 1, 2013, my eldest daughter sent me a Snapchat with a unsmiling face with the words written across her face, "Sick." I quickly opened up my SMS chat and sent her a text at 1:18 am and asked her what was wrong. You see, my eldest daughter is never sick and she is a lot like her father... When she decides she is going to be sick, she is really sick. With her alerting me to the fact that she was sick had me at my the edge of my bed, asking her what was wrong.. Texting back and forth trying to pin point what was going on with her.
She kept telling me that it felt like someone punched her in the stomach. I told her that it could be her Gallbladder, but she said it was probably something that she ate and that she was not vomiting as much. She told me that it had been hurting since 3 that afternoon and that it was easing off some. That she was going to try to get some sleep. This was after I asked her if her boyfriend was with her. She told me he was at work.
Savannah told me again that she was going to try to get some sleep, that it was like her stomach was really tight and felt as though someone had punched her. I asked her being a mother of course, does she need me to come and she responded that she didn't need me to come. I told her to promise me that if she needed me that she would let me know. She said that she would let me know. I told her that I would leave the phone up in case she needed me... (This is where Motherly Instinct should of come in and I should of jumped right in my car and went the hour drive there.. Always listen to YOUR mother's instincts no matter what everything else may tell you).. Told her that I loved her.. she said that she loved me too...
At 5:49 am a text comes in and it is her boyfriend, "Savannah's in the hospital" My response.. "What"
She was going to have surgery. Therefore to make it easier I decided for my boys, her Daddy, Katarina, and I go head there to the hospital where she was going to be having surgery. When we got there.. She was in the back and I was able to go back there for a few minutes to see her before they took her to surgery. 1:50 pm.. Andrew comes out in the waiting room and says that it is going to be 30 to 45 minutes. Great conversations that were happening.. and Yes of course, I was trying to make sure that Andrew was not feeling left out because he is very sensitive like that or insecure or whatever it is you want to call it.. 2:30 pm he goes to the desk to find out if there is any updates on Savannah and her surgery... He came back out and said that nothing yet and does not know what is going on.
Finally, as a mother for surgery to be only 30 to 45 minutes I could not take it anymore and Andrew wasn't going to go check anymore because he said that they knew where he was and would give him an update.. I'm a mom.. my 1st time ever dealing with a child having surgery.. 21 or not.. they are still my children.. Walk up to the desk.. Nurse told me that there wasn't any updates right now.. I told her that they said it would be 30 minutes to 45 minutes for the surgery and was an easy procedure. I explained to her that it has been a hour and half later and we have not heard anything. She said that she would find out and let me know. I walked away... Moments later, she waved my name and said Mrs. Noe... The nurse is on the phone for you...
I made sure.. both times that they called for me and not Andrew to let them know that they needed to speak with Andrew... Even the doctor after he talked to me thought it be strange that a mother would hand over the phone to a boyfriend (Because when I told the Doctor that he needed to speak with Savannah's fiance he just paused, but a few seconds and said quietly okay.. but with that sound of confusion in a voice).. He did repeat what he told me to Andrew. Now Andrew was getting his feelings hurt and his Mother was there to baby him even more.. and yes, his demeanor and attitude changed as soon as that woman walked into the waiting room.
When they finally said that we could go up.. Mind you that way before his mother, Sandra showed up, we had all agreed that we would go and let the dogs out and feed them since Vince knows how to do it. We explained to Andrew that we were only going to stay a bit after her surgery, to see her, and then we would leave to go home. Since Andrew was going to stay the night with her. Andrew loved that idea. Said thank you and was very cool with that.. We asked Andrew several times if he wanted us to get him food or anything to drink with a no he was fine.. and nothing ever said about his Mother coming there to bring him something to eat. He sat with us, talked with us, and was even laughing at times, until Sandra showed up. Does anyone else have this problem that someone changes so dramatically because another shows up?
Sandra shows up and they sit in another part of a the waiting room and they eat the food that she brought him to eat. While they were eating the nurse called for me again to tell me that the doctor was on the phone, I get up to walk to answer the phone, finally Andrew following me.. and by the time the doctor was finished that all was well and he would see Savannah in 6 days in his office to check on the staples I asked him to hold on and asked the doctor to please repeat this for Andrew.
As a mother understanding this part that I wanted Andrew to be a part of this because he was after all, Savannah's boyfriend and once the divorce went threw with his 1st wife they were to be wed. I knew as a Mother that my job was to let go and let her other half be more of a part than I.
As we went back into the waiting room I told Vince, the boys, and Katarina let us go up to her room because they were about to wheel her up there. As we walked to the elevator Andrew was sitting by his mother and still eating. I asked him if he was going up and he said no that the room was to small and not enough room for everyone. He never said that he would just like it to be her parents and him.. he just said no, that there wasn't enough room (even though he had promised Savannah that he would be there when she woke up).. Part of who he was changed when his Mother showed up.
A few minutes later Sandra came up with the flower and balloon that she bought at the gift store. Savannah asked where Andrew was and Sandra said that Andrew had to go home and take the medication that she (Savannah) never told him where it was or reminded him to take it. Sandra making sure that she pointed it out that it was Savannah's fault that Andrew didn't have his medications. Savannah said it was in her purse. Then she told Savannah that Andrew had to go let the dogs out and that 18 hours was a long time not to let them out. I told Sandra that we had agreed to do that so I didn't understand why Andrew wanted to go when he was fine with us going over there to let the dogs out...
Savannah said that she wanted Andrew. Sandra said, sorry honey Andrew didn't have his medications and ate all the carbs that I just brought him and he was exhausted and needed to get some sleep. Why would a woman bring her son tons of carbs if it is going to make him sick if she knew that Andrew didn't have his medications? Who is the one that just had surgery? Andrew or Savannah? Tears welled up in my daughters eyes, she whispered Jerk and fought off the tears.
Sandra pulled out Savannah's phone and said that Andrew didn't want her to be without a phone, but his phone was dead. ((IS THIS CONTRADICTION))? Savannah goes to look at it and says to Sandra is it really dead. Sandra said yes... as this went down the way that this woman belittled Savannah is beyond me. She began to show Savannah pictures of all the bags that were full with Adidas things and that she bought something for 7 dollars. I said wow, that is really cheap. Sandra looks at me and rolls her eyes and said, yes I work for Adidas.. Oh she works for Adidas and she is just rolling in the dough!
Finally, to let it all come out Savannah tells Sandra and me that she wants everyone to leave. I had decided at that point that I wasn't leaving the hospital and would check on her from time to time... I wasn't going to leave her by herself and at least in the back of her mind she would know that someone was there at the hospital with her. Our side of the family was left with the impression that Andrew went to sleep and Sandra had to go rushing somewhere to Charleston or something like that...
Only to find out that it was only a set up lie that Sandra and Andrew set up. When I went to sneak the Blistex into her room, Andrew was there and Sandra was there. I wanted to scream and say, "She has only 1 f*cking mother* After all, Sandra already made it clear that Andrew had been feeling left out because they had asked for the mother and not her boyfriend.. Sandra made it clear that her son was sick because Savannah didn't tell him where his medication was.. and Sandra made it clear that her son had been the one that brought Savannah to the hospital and was exhausted.. And Sandra made it clear as she showed pictures of her shopping spree that it was more important than Andrew that supposedly went home..
Really Insanely, not even Remotely Close to be Loving, Kind, Gentle, or Worried about anyone else except her son and her son worried about what his needs were and not the one that laid in the hospital bed.
I know for a certainty that this woman is more wanting to buy and impress than to be gentle and love.. I was angry and I was hurt to see her sitting in the room and yes I felt rejected. Not because Andrew was there because he should of been there and should of kept his promise to be there when she woke up.. and yes, Andrew by all means should of never left her side, I was angry for the fact that woman was there in that room with my daughter, as I had said to her that she would feel the same way if Andrew was in that bed and not my daughter... She was able to stay...
Katarina went upstairs.. to protect me because I did cry because it did hurt to see someone else trying to take my place and to keep my daughter's stress level down I kept my mouth shut and quietly walked out of her hospital room... Katarina a little later came down to tell me they would like me back up there, but I said that I wasn't going to go back up there because I wasn't going to cause stress for my daughter while she is healing.. That I would be alright.. and I knew that woman could buy my daughter, right now.. but I will be damn in the long run, she has only one mother, with unconditional love.. with forgiving love.. and yes.. with hands down, never bringing it to her attention again, will always welcome Andrew with loving arms, an open door...
I am not in competition with this Sandra "Dee" she already secluded one woman away from her family when she married Andrew... No matter what, I will never do that.. I will always be around.. even if from a distant.. and if my daughter loves this man.. than I will respect that.. This woman can throw her money around and power and control over everyone... but, eventually she will push Andrew away because she demands his attention when she wants it.. or she will eventually learn to step aside and be a wonderful loving, unconditional mother.. as she should be.. without fearing what she made lose.. Or Andrew will find himself like many others do, alone with their Mama, because she couldn't never cut the apron strings and will sabotage every relationship that comes to her son... More of a friend than a mother after all, she had Andrew at 13 and she herself didn't know how to be a mother so maybe she is doing all she knows how to do.
I will and would do it all over again... I wouldn't change anything that I had done differently (except maybe say a few words that I should have said downstairs when Andrew turned into a puppy with a leash when his Mama walked in).. I am who I am.. I am a Mother.. With Unconditional love.. And I will continue to be Savannah, Katarina, Gabriel, and Elijah's mother.. Because I am alive.. and they only have one Mother and that is ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*My Thoughts For Today*