My Beautiful Mother!
Is to make sure that both parents are working, or both adults are working in the home, or a guardian/parent has to have more than one job, just to be able to provide the basics for their family that they hardly ever get to see because they are trying to make ends meet.. (Now of course this is for the ones that I am speaking about that do not get any funding nor ever look for someone else to help them out)...
And of course the ones that do get some government funding, always looking for a way to better the families life, control the course of their destiny/future.. And fighting and clawing to move up into this big world, avoiding not to be classified as a poor or destitute family.
My Mother and I, of course, hasn't ever had the best relationship that would get the award of Mother and Daughter Best Relationship Award. Of course, realistically what Mother/Daughter are really that close? There are different times in each one lives that would cause them to walk away for a bit.. find themselves and then come back to one another and grow again close.. (At least that is what I am hoping to find that my daughters will do for me).. But, believe me when I say this.. I would give my life for my mother. What I have seen her go threw in this life, would be classified as unfair and unjust to many.
My Mother got pregnant when she was 15 years old and had me when she was 16 years old. My father was very abusive to her (of course had to be.. If you look me up on Google, Yahoo, etc you would find out just how abusive he was).. So if my father was that way with me.. Wouldn't he had been with my Mother? I know for a fact that he cheated on her and then finally left her to fend with 2 children on her own. However, it did not break my mother.. My Mother with 2 small children, my brother and I, continued to finish her education, finally ending up with a degree in Business.
Of course, throughout the years, she has made good choices and bad choices as we all do as parents.. and not even just as parents, but as human beings. Yet, no matter what she has gone threw in her life, she never got hateful, and still to this day, she would give you her last penny that was in her pocket if she could. In 2004, my Mother lost her 1st son, my only full brother, to Afghanistan.. Then in recent years she lost her other son, to a car accident.. And just within this past 3 months.. My Mother lost her fiance and then a friend that she has known for over 20 years.
Not only that.. My mother is also blind (can see shadows here and there).. and still works as much as she can at the Canteen at the Jockey Lot. Yet, as I continue to worry and worry about her, my mother still holds her feelings inside and I can see the pain that she holds deep within her eyes and always fighting back the pain and tears that just long to flow freely. My mother has always been strong and I really don't recall seeing her cry often. And if she does cry, it is only, but for a moment.
I know that many times we do not even have our Mothers set up in our minds like some kind of hero that we can look up to, in many cases we actually say more like, "We do not want to be like her when we grow up," or "If I grow up I am going to do it this way or that way," or "When I can make the decisions than I am definitely going to make sure that I make them differently than what my Mother made them." However, we end up reverting to what we use to see growing up and find ourselves doing things a little similar to the way they had done them or we find that we are making somewhat similar choices as we saw our mother do. (At least, I do at some points in my life).
I am not saying that I had or even had decided that I wanted to grow up and be "just" like her. I mean how many times did we end up saying or seeing someone that we wanted to be like and we say when we grow up that is who I want to be like. Yet, the reality is the same, most of our "super" heroes are not really heroes at all. They are only a figment of our imagination of what a Super Hero should be like, what they should look like, and how they are suppose to make decisions in their life.
My Mother is a human being. And like the rest of this world, Human beings are just that. Human. With their flaws, with their idealizations of what everyone should be like, with their imperfections,with their smiles and tears. Isn't that what makes us human beings?? We are all our own individual with uniqueness and our own identity. With being a Human, consists of making choices that they can make at that time. (Might not be the decision that you believe that it should of been or if you could you would of done it differently)..
Let us be certain to realize this.. That we 'really' don't know what we would do unless we are actually right there in that situation. Example: if you are being robbed and someone has a gun to your head.. We all have an idea of what we should do or how we would act, but the facts are the same, really what you "Think" most likely would be far from what you would "Actually" do.
My Mother, was not Leave It To Beaver Mother that would have the beds made, supper cooked, dishes washed, laundry done, etc before we would wake the next morning.
However, she is My Mother. She is the Mother that I needed at every Moment of my life.. If I reflect now, if anything would of been different in my life, then there wouldn't be any way that I would of made the choices I did.. and become the Woman that I am today... And whether, realistically my Mother did not tell me every day that she loves me.. Or that she was proud of me.. (They are very rare moments, that she actually said it to me)
The moments that I have heard her tell me that (Still very rare).. Or the text, or her telling me that she is proud of me.. Are the reasons that I cherish every moment that I have with her.. Because in just a moment, like I have seen her go threw these past few months, everything.. All things, and the life that you think you have in just a moment.. can wake up, that can all vanish.. and then you find yourself starting over, wondering what to do, lost in life, alone, a heart full of pain, knowing you have to find a new way of life, With my Mommy's head up high, no matter what life throws at her..
My Mother will conquer.. With her head up high, always smiling, always giving, always loving.. and always encouraging.. You would never know that in her Spirit and Soul she is crying.. Hurting.. alone.. and like the rest of us that have feelings.. my Mother is human.. So, yes.. My Mother is Beautiful. My Beautiful Mother.. Is my Hero!!!!
*My Thoughts For Today*