Happy Birthday, My 20 year old!My dear Savannah, my Angel!!!
I can not believe that 20 years ago, I was holding you in my arms and cuddling you. You are my miracle child. When I was pregnant with you, the chances of me giving birth to you was very little. I was told to have a D&C after I miscarried your twin, but at a little over 4 months pregnant your heartbeat was strong, and I told the doctor that as long as the baby's heartbeat was strong then I would just trust in God.
I was told that something could be wrong, that the ultrasound just could not promise me anything. The doctor advice: have a d&c because of all the bleeding and the medications that I had to have that it would not be a good idea. (In my mind, I was told anyways that I would never carry a child to term by specialist and I was not going to do anything to help that along because more than anything, I wanted a child). Again, I told the doctor that I was not going to do anything, that I would continue to trust in God. I was released from the hospital when the bleeding finally stopped with your heartbeat still going strong, but instead of 2 inside of me... there was only 1.. you and the results... unknown.
On this day, in 1992 I held you in my arms. Dr. Wendt that was my high risk doctor and all of the maternity ward knew me by name. I had to keep records starting at 8 months of all your movements and count each and everyone of them. If you did not move enough that day, to the hospital, Daddy and I would go to have stress tests done and for me to be monitored. Some weeks I would only have to go once... other weeks would be a few times.. and some times even every day. By the time I gave birth to you.. everyone on the maternity ward knew us.
Finally you came... you were here... my baby... my girl.. my miracle.. my blessing.. the one that would begin to teach me what unconditional love was all about... EVERYONE didn't have a dry eye on the maternity ward.. even the doctor shed a tear as I gave birth to you.. When I was getting discharged.. they would tell me to take care of my baby.. hug me... and yes even called me a brat :) (That's on video tape too!)... they walked the journey with me.. helped me threw my fears.. (what if God called another one of my children home with him)... they helped me with my questions... gave me reassurance... held my hand when I was frightened... and laughed when I was relieved when I would see your heartbeat on the monitor...
Yes, my angel.. you at that moment... was my savior... You showed me that I could be loved.. unconditionally... you taught me patience... you taught me tolerance.. you taught me how to put boundaries up... you taught me that it was okay to say no... you taught me that miracles can happen and do happen. You taught me that it was okay to make mistakes and that you would still look at me with those loving eyes... you gave me smiles... laughs.. tears.. and most of all you taught me... more than anything else.. the most valuable thing that I needed to learn... that I wasn't a bad person... and that I could like me I love you Angel. I know I can not buy you the world.. but I give you my heart... Always
Happy 20th Birthday.